Neshema
by Lizicia
Summary: 'They both realize what a precarious position they're in. Trust and friendship are fickle things for a spy.' Annie/Eyal, post-3x05, "This Is Not America".


**A/N:** Don't you just love Oded Fehr and whenever he puts in an appearance, Covert Affairs is the first show to watch on your list? Thought so. I love the connection Eyal and Annie have, the subtle flirting, the growing respect and friendship, so this story was born, from Eyal's point of view.

I've mainly extended the scenes in the episode and added Eyal's thoughts.

**Disclaimer:** Created by and belongs to Matt Corman and Chris Ord. Characters welcome.

* * *

When Eyal Lavine first sees Annie Walker exit the Jerusalem airport, he feels oddly excited and delighted. She looks just like he remembers – a beautiful but appropriate dress, long blonde hair and all the air of a frequent international traveler. And when she turns around and spots him, he hears the disbelief and excitement in her own voice and is glad he convinced Saul Berkovitz to fall ill at the most convenient time.

They both know and understand the game between them – subtle flirting, nothing too much, both always willing to back away first. But this time, the game is on his turf and he feels a home court advantage.

Eyal's never been the one to chase after a woman. He has always been chased by them, his looks the selling point with most of them. And the ones he does pursue, are either targets – whose physical appearance is unimportant – or tall, dark-haired and exotic, just like his ex-wife was.

And then he met Annie Walker, a young and initiative operative, if a bit too dutiful and responsible for his liking but showing great promise. She irritated him with her need to constantly check in and yet intrigued him when he saw her passion for this job, her integrity, her capable heart. For the life of him, he couldn't understand how someone so whole could be doing something meant for broken people like himself. And he promised himself he would find out eventually.

So this time, he ups the stakes with a dinner. Nothing too fancy, appropriate, yet with the promise of something more. There is good food and wine and she smiles at him but something is bothering him. The smile is too careful, the laughter too polished and it all carries the air of a great show. When he leans closer, she is desperate to leave and this is really a sign he should know. For some reason, Annie Walker has become unavailable.

"This is truly a sad day for me. I finally get you to my country and you have a man in your life."

"I assure you, there is not."

She shakes her head and denies everything, naturally, but it is a sentence too carefully constructed; the lack of contractions convinces him she is lying.

"That must be what the change is. You're conflicted about taking me up to your room. You shouldn't be; wouldn't be our first hotel room adventure."

"I remember."

He sees the flash of desire which is evident in her body language as he so casually says what they both want – or at least wanted the last time – out loud and is rewarded with a coy, almost flirtatious smile. But there's also surprise, a flash of something unspoken and a carefully hidden fear underneath. Annie doesn't want him to know about the man, doesn't want anyone to know and this makes him suspicious as he remembers his task to evaluate her. A relationship she has to hide doesn't exactly promise good things.

"But you do want to talk to me about something. I'm just asking as a friend."

"I didn't know we were friends, officially." She deflects. So there is something but it's complicated and she's hesitant. And really, they are friends? He went with instinct there.

"Hey, I don't take just anybody to that restaurant." A little levity might give her the push she needs to trust him.

"I'm flattered." The same smile from before. For show, not for real.

"You're flattered but you don't trust me. Not yet." He lays his cards on the table.

There is no response but he can sense the tension in her. Trust isn't something spies take lightly or joke around with, especially not Eyal Lavine who has no reason to trust anyone and Annie Walker, who despite her easygoing appearance, has been hurt one time too many.

"Okay. Good night, _neshema_."

He walks away and doesn't hear her reply but knows it's just a courtesy goodbye. He lost a battle but he's determined to win the war.

* * *

They fight during surveillance, at the same time not really fighting. They bicker over the small details, over their beliefs, over who's more cynical than the other. Her romantic side is really irritating his practical one and he hears the distress in her voice but knows he has to be harsh on her. The thing they want to be fighting about - the man in her life - remains a mystery as neither dares to voice it out loud, for fear of revealing too much of themselves at the same time.

When Annie comes to the realization that Isaac Reiss' girlfriend is a spy, probably for the Syrians or the Iranians, he hears something else in her tone of voice. Something which tells him she's taking this idea because she's been there and he carefully remembers this tidbit of information.

But when Annie wants to read Isaac in, Eyal reads that as a sign of danger, a sign that her ambitious and somewhat careless side is winning in the argument with her head.

He should let it happen, should let her do what she does to gain something to report back. But his impulsiveness and, dare he say, his feelings, get the best of him; he can't let her destroy herself and he feels he owes her the truth when she asks him.

"This came down from my superior through our contact at the CIA." And just like that, he knows the trust they've built, albeit unwillingly, is about to be shattered.

Annie's not quite believing him, not ready to admit she might be anything but a top agent, and fights him. All he can do is watch and participate as little as he must, keep an eye on her and hope she isn't too dejected. He knows all too well what it feels like when your agency, the people you trust to have your back, suddenly becomes suspicious of you.

"This is what agencies do. They check on their people; it's common practice."

"You think they're right to be concerned."

Apparently, it's not only him who can read her with ease; she can also guess his patterns of thought which should concern him if was thinking like a Mossad agent but he's become more of a friend.

"At Mossad, we hear things. We hear that a CIA operative was killed in an explosion on American soil."

He doesn't really have to ask if she was there; the look on her face tells him more than he could ever hear in words. It was a friend, someone she held close and thought fondly of, someone who is more than just a star on the wall.

For that, Eyal opens up and tells her about the realities of life, about his reality. He has seen more explosions and more friends being killed than he would care for. His sister died like that. She listens and just when he thinks she's ready to let go and break down, she instead steels herself and explodes in a different direction, demanding answers. Answers he doesn't have, answers he wouldn't give her even if he could.

He tries to warn her not to call her boss but she, being true to character, doesn't listen. He hears the pain in her voice, the slightest crackling which tells him just how betrayed she feels at that point and he feels his own part in it.

Trust and friendship. Fickle things for a spy.

"Do you feel better?" He mirrors her pose when she slides down the wall, coming down to her level, trying to regain some balance.

"No."

"That's why I never call in."

The moment and the quietness drag on. Annie stares at some point over his head on the wall and he doesn't make a move to approach her. She needs to compose herself and decide whether she wants to trust him or not.

"He was my friend. He had his good moments and his bad moments but he was still my friend." Her voice has gone quiet and he knows breakdown is inevitable now.

"Friends are never perfect, Annie. But that is why we like them. It is alright to feel things. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise."

A tear slides down her cheek and she hastily wipes it away. She hasn't grieved properly but to do it in an apartment in Jerusalem, in front of a Mossad agent seems like the craziest idea. But it is also the best one she's had in weeks.

"I was there. I was seconds away from being blown up. If I hadn't forgotten my umbrella, if I had just gone out with him, maybe I..."

"Maybe you would be a star on the wall as well."

He is harsh but she needs someone to tell her this, needs to awaken her from the cycle of guilt which has probably been on an endless loop ever since.

"I should have done more."

"There was nothing you could have done."

"You don't know that!"

She shouts but her anger and frustration isn't directed at him anymore but at herself, at the people who killed her friend, at her friend for dying, at the world for being so unfair.

"And neither do you, Annie." He stands now and moves over to her side, sliding down next to her, close enough to touch but doesn't. She looks at him, the look in her eyes so earnest and vulnerable that it shakes him to the core. Nobody looks at him like that anymore and he desperately wants to believe she could be for real.

The shrill sound of her telephone breaks the moment and they become operatives again.

* * *

He takes a chance when she accuses him of having it easy. He shows her a part of himself that is vulnerable, just like she was. It's risky because most people he works with don't even know he is a father but for some reason, he trusts this American operative, he trusts the Annie Walker he's grown so fond of.

"Eyal, are you sure I should be here? I mean, we never talk about our real lives, not like this." She realizes the risks and the kind of trust his actions carry so he makes her understand why he did it. Why even a hardened Mossad agent like himself, who was a part of the elite assassin squad _Kidon_, needs to have something to hold on to, and how he sacrifices things. She understands, he sees it, and in turn, she decides to trust him.

"Simon Fischer."

"Is that a target, an asset or a boyfriend?"

She doesn't reply instantly which makes him pay attention. It shouldn't be a difficult question and he should really be able to come to his own conclusions but he wants to push down the feeling that he knows that name from somewhere.

"I don't know, honestly."

So he needs to drag it out of her. "Cultivating an asset can be difficult, Annie. They are unpredictable, mostly unreliable, just average people who get mixed up in something they shouldn't and your job is to convince them to do something they don't really want to. If they give you trouble, you either push through and suffer or toss them overboard and let them drift away."

She is only half-listening to him, which means he is not an asset.

"Target is even more difficult. You have to choose an approach, especially if you're not there to kill them and there are only so many options. Sometimes you do things you're not proud of, things you think you can control and they can wind up controlling you." Now her attention is more focused, the line of her jaw set while she stubbornly looks away from him.

"Feelings can become the trickiest part. When you spend your time with someone, pretend to be interested in them, you have to conjure up real emotions or a smart target sees right through you. So you get involved, while sinking even deeper and you start wondering when someone you need to take out turned into someone you can't live without and how to stop it."

"Are you speaking from personal experience?" Her voice is tense, sharp and a bit angry but she's holding herself in check. He's struck a nerve so he keeps on striking while hoping she'll stop him or turn it into a joke.

"Every male agent has done something like that. Sleeping with someone is the oldest trick in the book and still people fall for that."

"Every _male_ agent, huh?"

He didn't want to be right but he now knows he is. Her target is veering dangerously into boyfriend territory and she doesn't know how to stop it.

"Annie, look-"

"I see him."

She walks away briskly and their conversation halts.

* * *

Eyal should really know better when he goes to Hevel Shafir's office to reclaim a favor. He makes the request and while Hevel eyes him suspiciously, he doesn't give an explanation; a senior agent doesn't need to justify his inquiries to a clerk.

The dossier appears on his desk a few hours later. It's heavier than he hoped and this gives him more cause to worry. Simon Fischer is a dangerous man and he thinks of Annie, alone on an operation with him and when his eye catches the photos in the back, he really wishes he hadn't asked.

Target and boyfriend. He likes to be right most of the time but just this once, he wishes he could've been wrong, so very wrong.

At the airport, she's a bit more carefree, like the Annie he remembers but the moment he hands her the dossier, her appearance becomes worried, like she knows all too well what's there to see. But then she surprises him; her concern is for his well-being, not her own.

"Thank you." For the second time since she's been in Israel, she gives her an honest smile. It doesn't escape his notice that the first time was also at the airport. Comings and goings, is that all they're going to get?

"Hope the next time we'll meet under...happier circumstances." There is the small spark between them, igniting again and he feels like he remembered it felt with her.

"Well, for people like us, I don't know how likely that is but I'm always happy to see you."

"I'm always happy to see you too."

They smile in that flirtatious way again, the spark growing by the minute and despite knowing what he does, despite the sadness she seems to carry around, it almost feels like there's nothing which could stop this, them, from happening.

She breaks the moment first and turns away, allowing him to disappear into the wind, like he always does. He watches her walk away, quickly at first but slowing down and knows she is waiting for something, waiting for him to cement the trust they keep on building and breaking.

"Annie."

She stops and turns and with a few steps, he's right back in front of her and before she can say anything, he embraces her.

It's unexpected because they haven't really touched each other but she finds that he is really good at this. He holds her gently, almost reverently but not as if he's afraid to break her; more like he's taking his time to remember this. The way the soft fabric of her dress feels, the way she smells of grapefruit and her hands, ever so slowly and carefully rubbing his back.

Eyal steps out of the embrace first but doesn't let her walk away just yet. With those big brown eyes directed at him, he drops a delicate kiss on her cheek, just a bit longer than a friend should.

"What was that for?" Her voice is a whisper, soft and she's so real that it hurts him to send her away. But he doesn't declare anything, doesn't lay claim, doesn't even really address it. He doesn't want to be a distraction but a promise.

"Just be careful, Annie. The things in that dossier could be very dangerous. People could get hurt." _You could get hurt._

She steps away from him now and smiles. "Thank you, _neshema_."

It's real.

* * *

A/N: And that's it. Hope you liked it and will leave me a review to say so!


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